CONFESSION #200

The Good News:

I own my own car (Free and clear).

The Bad News:

It's a Ford Aspire...The car that aspires to be a car.

The Depressing News:

It actually looks a lot better than it runs.

CONFESSION #199

Shortly after being “released” from the U.S. army, I embarrassingly got drunk and passed out a friend’s sister’s, wedding while nearly pissing in my pants inside of a men’s washroom trying to unzip my pants’ zipper.

CONFESSION #198

As a selfish and often ill tempered kid, I intentionally and maliciously pushed my cancer ridden grandmother to the ground after she said something to me I didn’t particularly care for, though I don’t remember what it was.

CONFESSION #197

I refused to wear a car seatbelt for years and years, in a one man protest against government tyranny, until I finally got ticketed for not wearing one.

CONFESSION #196

In a desperate and ultimately futile attempt to look more attractive on my behalf, I cut and trimmed my eyebrows so badly once I nearly had to shave them off to even them out.

CONFESSION #195

I believe business owners, for the most part, are a lot like licensed and legalized pimps who sometimes view and treat their employees as nothing more than a collective, fleeting asset of cheap and replaceable whores.

CONFESSION #194

I stubbornly refused to have my picture taken for my senior high school yearbook out of fear of being recognized and immortalized as the ugliest guy in school.

CONFESSION #193

I believe in aliens and paranormal activity to a certain degree, but not in the biggest of all frauds, performance artists who claim they can communicate with the dead.

CONFESSION #192

I’ve always wanted to get married on Halloween night and have everyone involved with the wedding ceremony, including guests, come dressed in costume.

CONFESSION #191

I once drew a butter knife on my brother, during one particularly violent and vicious fight we had as kids, and threatened to stab him if he tried to bulrush me once more.